Palinophobia

This little diatribe was inspired by a guest I heard on the Mitch Albom show.  The guest was billed as a “religious conservative blogger” who had serious reservations about Sarah Palin because he feared she wasn’t “intellectually curious” enough, and didn’t perform well as he expected in a couple of television interviews.

As if this guy knows what goes through Sarah Palin’s mind.  Or as if he knows what she reads in the morning between field-dressing a moose, and her morning cup of coffee.

For those of you who don’t know, Mitch Albom is a stealth liberal.  He claims he’s not a liberal, but certainly walks their walk, and talks their talk.  He attempts to present himself like he’s somehow reasonable, but hardly ever challenges liberals and their droll, predictable stances.  And no big surprise there, because he’s a “media guy”.  For that reason I tend to avoid listening to his show. 

I’ll never forget when Mr. Mitch “Even Minded” Albom had Mario Cuomo on his show, and never challenged the guy once while he insulted conservatives over and over again with the “liberals use a quill pen, and conservatives use crayons” comment.  (Of course the irony of this is that crayons are more technically advanced, flexible, and offer a far wider array of options than quill pens.  But hey, Mario is an intellectual “giant”.)

As far as I’m concerned, the “religious conservative blogger” is a slack-jawed, weenie idiot.  And here is my response to his “fears” about Sarah Palin.

I’ve come across a new mental disorder, and I’ve called it: Palinophobia.  It’s the acute, irrational fear of Sarah Palin being President of the United States.  It affects mainly liberals, but some conservatives (mainly pseudo-conservatives) have fallen victim to this tragic disease.

In some ways, it’s related to Bush Derangement Disorder.  This condition is the one that claims that Bush is the worst president the country has ever known, has been an utter disaster since he took office, and is to blame for all of the woes this country has faced since January 1999.

(Yes, I know Bush wasn’t in office in January 1999, but people with Bush Derangement Disorder also suffer from a blackouts and historical amnesia.)

Much of the phobia itself is brought about by two distinct groups of external triggers, based on political ideology.  For conservatives, the condition develops out of the fear that Sarah Palin is another copy of George Bush – inarticulate and seemingly indecisive.  Because of this, they often go around worrying that they’ve been hoodwinked into accepting another Dan Quayle, George W. Bush, or any number other seemingly weak Republicans they can think of.

Liberals developed Palinphobia…oh…about 0.0125 seconds after she was announced as the VP pick for McCain.  Their external triggers were numerous: Democrats have a weak presidental candidate with flimsy credentials, little-to-no experience, a VP pick that would have been better playing Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, their hysterical fear that Republicans want to establish a theocracy in the United States, their loathing for people of Faith, their love of socialism, their belief in lies over substance, and the fact that most liberals aren’t exactly the sharpest tacks in the box.

For conservatives, Palinophobia can be cured by GETTING A FRICKIN’, STINKIN’ BACKBONE!!!!  STOP BEING A BUNCH OF DAMN SISSIES, AND START DEFENDING YOUR FRICKIN’ CANDIDATES, YOU STINKIN’ WEASELS!!!

For the liberal, Palinophobia can only be cured by Barack “The Nazarine” Obama getting elected, or (should McCain win) a four- to eight-year visit to France, Denmark, Belgium, or Canada.

One of the symptoms of Palinophobia is a hypersensitivity to some gaffes, and total numbness to others.  For example, a Palinophobe might go into epileptic fits over Palin’s anemic answer to what the Bush Doctrine is all about, whereas the following comments seemingly have no effect on those so diagnosed:

My wife Jill (Biden), who you’ll meet soon, she also has her doctorate degree, which is a problem.

or:

If people learn my (Joe Biden’s) story, learn my record, I think I can compete. The question is, can I raise the money?

or (Obama on Biden’s stuttering as a child):

They called him B-B-Biden.

or (Barack Obama saying):

…the next President — next VICE President: Joe Biden!

or (Joe Biden talking to Chuck Graham, who is confined to a wheelchair):

Stand up, Chuck!

or:

I think he (Barack Obama) can be ready, but right now I don’t believe he is. The presidency is not something that lends itself to on-the-job training.

or:

If the Democrats think we’re going to be able to nominate someone who can win without that person being able to table unimpeachable credentials on national security and foreign policy, I think we’re making a tragic mistake…

 or (Biden on Obama’s Iraq policy):

 I Don’t Recall Hearing A Word From Barack About A Plan Or A Tactic.

or:

I (Joe Biden) still believe that Saddam possessed weapons of mass destruction and that the war in Iraq was justified.

 or:

John McCain is a personal friend, a great friend, and I (Joe Biden) would be honored to run with or against John McCain, because I think the country would be better off…

or:

Well, you know, my understanding is that, uh, Governor Palin’s town of Wasilly [sic] has, uh, 50 employees, uh, uh, we’ve got 2500, uh, in this campaign. I think their budget is maybe $12 million a year. Uh, uh, we haveabudget of about three times that just for the month. Uh, so I think that, uh, our ability to manage large systems, uh, and to, uh, execute, uh, I think has been made clear over the last couple of years. Uh, and certainly, in terms of, uh, the legislation that I’vepassedjust dealing with this issue post-Katrina, uh, of how we handle emergency management. The fact that, uh, many of my recommendations were adopted and are being put in place, uh, as we speak indicates to extent to which we can provide the kinds of support and good service that the American people expect.

or:

What they’ll say is, “Well it costs too much money,” but you know what? It would cost, about… It — it — it would cost about the same as what we would spend… It… Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it would costs us… (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to… It… It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about — hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though. I’m glad.

or:

Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. (crowd laughing) I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.

or:

But the truth is, is that, our challenge is to get people persuaded that we can make progress when there’s not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’sreplaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.  And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion, or antipathy to people who aren’t like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

No, none of these gaffes affect the Palinophobe at all.

Then there is the issue of religious sensitivity.  Yes, one of the things that deeply disturbs Palinophobes is her religious sentiment.  Due to a skewed sense of right and wrong, the Palinophobe is righteously indignant because Sarah Palin believes Creationism should be taught in schools (given that Evolution is still a theory, of which many unanswered questions remain), yet Barack Obama has attended a church for 20 years where the reverend – his self-described mentor – has viciously condemned America (“G*d Damn America!”), condemned white people, claimed that 9/11 was America’s chickens coming home to roost, and so on.

Another big irrational fear of the Palinophobe is what can only be described as the “Foreign Policy Aversion Syndrome.”  It’s an odd sort of condition that places an undue emphasis on Sarah Palin’s alleged lack of foreign policy experience, and no emphasis at all on either Barack Obama’s inexperience (who is the guy running for President of the United States on the Democrat ticket), or Joe Biden’s confused foreign policy that has taken a sudden, radical reversal in late August, 2008.  This odd myopia gives pat answers supporting John McCain’s foreign policy initiatives excessive criticism (because, in the view of the Palinophobe, a vice-presidential candidate isn’t actually supposed to support the presidential candidate’s stance on the issues), whereas it either ignores or supports the chaotic, out of kilter, constantly changing foreign policy stances – and sometimes non-stance  stances – of the Obama campaign.  This random refocusing by the Democrat ticket to change their policy, based on the audience that’s listening, is considered “nuanced” thinking.

To most sane people, such “nuanced” thinking is called “confused”, “uncertain”, “uninformed”, “stupid”, or “nuts.”  Some people consider this version of “nuanced” thinking to actually be dangerous.

(I’m sorry.  Being judgemental there for a moment.)

You can usually tell a Palinophobe right away.  They’ll often recite the line:

I just can’t vote for McCain, knowing that Sarah Palin will be one heartbeat away from the presidency.

or some derivative thereof.  This assumes a number of things:

  1. John McCain will die in office because he is an old fart (most of the presidents who have died in office have been assassinated, but ignore that fact),
  2. Sarah Palin is an idiot,
  3. there won’t be any McCain advisers that will carry over into a Palin presidency (they too will have all unexpectedly died),
  4. that Sarah Palin won’t continue McCain’s initiatives (as they are so much of a secret that McCain will have taken them to the grave),
  5. that having an inexperienced, clueless, weak, and obviously indecisive Barack Obama in office, with a vice-president who is constantly feasting on shoe leather is preferable to Sarah Palin.

Other key phrases are:

  1. Her lack of foreign policy experience scares me.  (As if Barack Obama’s lack of experience is heartening).
  2. Her overall lack of experience scares me.  (As if Obama’s overall lack of experience – which is actually greater than Palin’s – is comforting.)
  3. What does it say about John McCain’s judgement that he would pick a woman he barely knows, and has no experience in the world stage?  (As if Barack Obama was showing stellar judgement picking a guy whom claimed – on video, no less – that John McCain would make a great President of the United States.)
  4. Palin is too much of a religious radical.  (This is opposed to Barack Obama who has surrounded himself with race-oriented, leftist radicals, and is a good friend of William Ayers, a confessed, unrepentant domestic terrorist.)

How does one go about curing the effects of Palinophobia?  Well, if after reading some of the stuff I’ve written here, if the idea of a Barack Obama or (shudder) Joe Biden presidency doesn’t scare the living hell out of you, you’re already incurably insane.

Which is true of most liberals.

Can I be serious for a moment?  Palin’s job is to support the McCain position.  McCain brought her in to reinforce his “reform” message.  She’s had a sum total of about month on the campaign trail with people who have thus far had more experience running in a national campaign.  So, she’s a little rough around the edges.

Cut her a little slack.  Cripes.

Democrats are so sensitive about their lead guy’s utter lack of experience, notable weakness in taking a stance on just about any issue, and his constantly shifting positions that they are doing EVERYTHING THEY CAN to take the spotlight off of his gross ineptitude.  And it certainly doesn’t help that Joe Biden is running around out there, doing what he does best: shooting off his mouth whilst shooting himself in the foot.

And people are worried about Sarah Palin?!?  Are you serious?!?  She’s a frickin’ ROCKET SCIENTIST compared to the two oafs on the Democrat ticket!  Can you imagine the Laurel and Hardy act they would put on as President, and Vice-President?  We’ve already got Joe Biden being used in McCain ads supporting a McCain presidency, Obama going on about sitting down and talking with Iran (our enemy) while bombing Pakistan (out ally), and Obama threatening to kill NAFTA (without realizing that NAFTA guarantees oil shipments from Canada, one of our biggest oil suppliers).  And people are worried about Sarah Palin’s foreign policy experience?  As I’ve noted already, she’s probably got more direct experience in her two frickin’ years as governor, then Barack has in his entire frickin’ political career!

And you think Sarah Palin is a screw-up?  Are you frickin’ nuts?!?  What in the hell have you been smoking?  As it stands right now, she’s fielded more hardball questions than The Nazarine and ole’ Foot-n-Mouth combined.

I can barely conceive of what a Joe Biden Administration would be like should (God forbid) something happen to Barack Obama!  I mean, the man can’t go a week without saying something incredibly stupid!  And you want him talking to foreign leaders?!?

You have to be out of your frickin’ mind!  That’s all there is to it.

All these attacks on Sarah Palin are an old Democrat tactic.  They take maybe a couple of gaffes, or some responses to questions that may not be all that clear, and they blow them WAY out of proportion in an attempt to label the Republican something like “stupid”, “out of touch”, “extreme”, or the like.  Virtually every Republican president, and Republican vice-president they’ve called an idiot, or made them out to look stupid.  They did it with Bush, Quayle, Bush 41, McCain, Chaney, and Reagan.  Now they’re doing it now to Palin.

Am I the only one who notices this trend?  Seriously…am I?

Dan Quayle was mercilessly ridiculed for misspelling “potato” (even though, in one sense, he spelled it correctly), and for criticizing the sitcom Murphy Brown (even though his criticisms were correct).  Virtually every political insider openly commented on how intelligent Quayle was, but that wasn’t enough to stop the media force-fed story line: that Dan Quayle was an idiot.

Reagan’s critics were constantly portraying one of the greatest presidents of the 20th Century as addled, stupid (remember the Bedtime for Bonzo comments), as having nothing but an image, and so on.  This was the guy who restored America’s military, and brought about the utter dissolution of the Soviet Union.  They even use the exact same criticisms on Bush 43 that they used on Reagan, and people still actually fall for this crap!

And who do they love?  Jimmy Carter (the guy who gave us a militant Iran), Bill Clinton (the guy the Democrats have hated ever since), Barney Frank (Mr. “There’s Nothing Wrong With Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae”), and Harry Reid (“The war is lost!”).

And Al Gore.  Can’t forget Al “I Invented the Internet” Gore.

After all that, you still actually believe the criticisms of these people? Again, what the hell have you been smoking?!?

I can somewhat forgive the Democrats for being both stupid and insane; they are what they are.  But conservatives and Republicans should know better!

So, for all you conservative and moderate Palinophobes, in case you didn’t get my message before, here it is again:

GET A FRICKIN’, STINKIN’ BACKBONE!!!!  STOP BEING A BUNCH OF DAMN SISSIES, AND START DEFENDING YOUR FRICKIN’ CANDIDATES, YOU STINKIN’ WEASELS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

There.  I feel much better now…

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